I've been gone quite a while, huh?

Well, this wasn't the most exciting, dynamic episode of Enterprise I've seen, but at least it starred Trip and an alien who spat stuff.

Trip was along on a shuttlepod looking at some gas giants when he was attacked. The pod went down, and the Enterprise was left with the task of searching over 60 potential planets to find him.

He landed on an unhospitable, moon-like rock and tried to repair his transceiver....then found it stolen by the spiky alien who shot him down. Dammit! They got into a fight -- Trip fighting in his unattractive blue wifebeater shirt, which is a shame because he's a nice-lookin' fella -- and eventually exhausted each other. It was pretty cool when the alien spit in his face to freak him out, and then later, once they'd made friends, spit on his arm to cure his cut! Handy spit. As predicted, they eventually started working together for their own survival. The spiky alien was a lot less resistant to heat than Trip, and the surface started heating up as dawn broke.

Eventually, they were both saved, all was well, and T'Pol expressed her admiration that Archer was able to make friends with the Arkonians where the Vulcans failed. Not very exciting, except for all that spitting.

(FYI, tonight's show was directed by Roxann Dawson. Nice work, B'Elanna, it all looked pretty good.)

Wednesday January 8, 2003    

Sorry I missed a few of these, I was moving, and then there was Christmas, and stuff.

Tonight's show starred Lindsey from Freaks & Geeks! I couldn't be happier. I love her. It also starred Method Man, who did a nice job as the mysterious fortune-telling guy in the coffee shop.

Lindsey had a lot of make-up on and very floofy styled hair, and was a writer for a silly tabloid that made up stories. She had a yearning for a cooler job, and a stereotypical gay best friend who's entire life seemed to revolve around HER. In fact, she wanted everyone's life to revolve around her, which was the problem.

She met Method Man at the coffee shop and tested his powers. She asked if she & her boyfriend were going to stay together, and she was told "Go home and you will find your answer." I think anyone could have seen what was coming after that: the boyfriend with another chick. D'oh!

Method Man gave her more predictions, including a job offer in Chicago from a former secret admirer. He even told her not to fly out the night she was planning on, which was a good thing because the flight she was supposed to be on crashed. Lindsey, fully obsessed at this point, went looking for Method Man, followed him out of the coffee shop, and yelled for him, which resulted in his unfortunate collision with a car. He died. Oops! No more predictions for her.

Lindsey & Method Man made this one fun. She was such a bad writer, though! There she is, a journalist, and she doesn't ask Method Man any questions about how he got his power, and when he knew about it, and who he'd helped. Ah well.

The next story was a lot dumber, and had some terrible acting to go with it! Taryn Manning, a new candidate for worst actress in the country, was getting visits from a dude in a blue polo shirt who claimed to be in love with her ever since she gave him a cup of detergent at the laundromat. She & her sassy black best friend went looking for him, and found him working at some local store. Good sleuthing! Of course he was in the store at the same time that he was supposedly visiting Taryn and threatening to kill her.

This went back and forth for a while until the very end, when he got caught trying to kill her and asked "who warned you?" His conscience, it seems! Yes, the whole time the guy was really working at his store or minding his own business, his conscience was stalking Taryn so she'd know to fight him off when it came down to the real thing. I think my favorte line was stalker-man's: "It's literally torn me apart." Heehee. And I loved when Taryn called a psychiatrist whose phone number was 555-0123. Can I have that number?

Wednesday May 23, 2001 -- THE SERIES FINALE    

And here we are: the very last Voyager episode ever.

I loved the whole Janeway's future self story, it made so much sense that she regretted her decision to strand the crew AGAIN and was tortured by the guilt. I liked that she decided to go back in time to change history to bring the crew back sooner, and all the scenes where Admiral Janeway & Captain Janeway had it out were really strong & fun to watch and believable. And they looked cool too, none of that phony staged stuff like the whole Doctor episode from the week before. One thing I don't understand, though: when Admiral Janeway wanted Harry's help, why didn't she remind him of the time HE (with Chakotay) went back in time to save Voyager? Remember? They used Seven's borg bits to send a message back in time and saved the ship from crashing into the frozen ice planet.

I liked the party scene at the beginning of the show, the slow reveal to which characters were still around & what happened to the rest of them. . .until the Doctor showed up with his bimbo. Look, I'm glad there was no singing, but should a hologram really be marrying somebody? And did she have to look like some random chick who could have been on the Love Boat? Don't you think that maybe in the future our beauty standards will have changed a little? They could have had some fun with it, like given her crazy antennae or a bone-head or something. And what exactly would any woman see in the Doctor, who's completely self-absorbed and self-righteous and just plain annoying to be around? They could have at least said that he saved her life when she was a patient and that's why she liked him. It was gross.

And one other gross thing: Barclay. I hate Barclay! I hate that everybody finds him so charming, I liked him when he was nervous & stuttery and once he started being cheesy & sociable he became intolerable in equal proportion.

Loved the Chakotay/Seven romance but I feel like we missed out. Suddenly Seven was all comfortable being social and warm and smiling at everybody and since we never saw the transformation take place I feel a bit ripped off. Seeing their relationship actually begin would have made for a MUCH better show than some of the other ones, like the show with that silly business about Q's son. And when did Seven become pals with Neelix? I don't remember those two spending much time together. Bottom line, though: I love Seven. Anything she does makes me happy.And it's not about the catsuit for me, being a straight woman and all. (For those who aren't straight women, by the way, there are red carpet interviews (in Quicktime) with all the cast members at startrek.com, and you'll go gaga over the one with Jeri Ryan, who plays her.)

And that Chakotay. . .I've said it before, he has chemistry with every woman on that ship. For the first few seasons I was rooting for him & B'Elanna to get together, then there were a few seasons where he & Janeway almost had a thing, and now Seven. He must have had that whole crew swooning for the whole seven years. I know poor Harry never got his chance with Seven but that would have been weird, I think Seven & Chakotay are just right. He has just the right blend of self-confidence, humility, and perspective to keep her on her toes. And that first kiss at the beginning of the date thing was right out of Annie Hall.

I thought it was brilliant that (Admiral) Janeway infected herself with something, knowing she'd be assimilated. That was cool and scary, that whole bit with the Borg Queen finding the Admiral's ship & beaming her aboard, assimilating her, and then all of the sudden starting to fall apart at the seams, pretty much. Loved when she pulled her arm off & threw it across the floor. And the coolest moment in Star Trek history was when all the Federation ships were gathered at the fissure in the Alpha Quadrant, and the Borg Sphere was there all menacing & terrifying, and then some shots came in from behind and blew it to bits and then BOOM! out came Voyager. SO cool. So dramatic. And they're home at last.

But now the crew has a lot of explaining to do. They have technology from the future with them, including that armored shielding that looks exactly like what Batman uses to protect the Batmobile when it's parked. And the Borg Queen told Janeway that she had assimilated the shield technology right before she died, so my question is: are there other Borgs out there, now Queen-less, with that technology? And what are the Borgs like without a Queen? I never understood the whole Queen thing, it seemed to completely contradict the whole "we are Borg" thing that made them so scary. Having a leader means there can be negotiation, weakness, and defeat. Having drones who consider conversation itself irrelevant is truly scary, then they're merciless and all-powerful. And the Queen was never as sinister on TV as she was in the movie with those pricky parts of her outfit that seemed to dig right into her skin.

Wouldn't it be cool if they made occasional TV movies with this crew, if they find that making big-screen movies is too expensive? They could have Janeway on trial for actions she hasn't committed yet, or the whole crew reuniting for one last dangerous mission to save Naomi Wildman or Neelix, I would LOVE to check in with these people in a year and see what they're all doing. In fact, I was a bit sad at the end because I wanted to see a bit of the actual homecoming. And by the way, isn't that Admiral Paris a bastard? He welcomed the ship back but his son was sitting right there at the helm and he didn't even say hello.

Speaking of Tom, he had the best lines in the whole show. The last few episodes have been so good for him. (I particularly loved his comment to the Doctor about taking all those years just to come up with the name "Joe".) And even B'Elanna was really funny going into labor and screaming at everybody. That's what she does best, and I like it. No more mushy stuff. I still don't buy those two as a couple, and I defy anyone to say they do.

And didn't you like the Tuvok stuff? That was intense. I was very happy to see that he would be saved, I only wish he'd had a little more screen time.

But in general, I thought it was a great way to go out. Magnificent.