12/01/2002

They really need to retire this show.

There were a few good moments, but mostly there were a lot of bad jokes, out-of-character lines, unfunny unsubtle sight gags, and one shameless plug for another Fox show (King Of The Hill).

The Simpsons went on "The 1895 Challenge". Yawn.

By the way, King Of The Hill is worth watching, and is much funnier than The Simpsons these days. I'd add a plug for Futurama, but of course they've removed it from the schedule again.

11/24/2002

Marge accidentally got breast implants. Temporarily. Many bad boob jokes were made by all.

There were a few good moments, but nothing spectacular. (I did enjoy watching George Bush Sr. hit Clinton on the forehead with a hammer.)

All in all, an unworthy show.

11/17/2002

Well...it seems we're back to sub-standard Simpsons fare. Lisa got promoted to 3rd grade just as Bart got demoted, and they ended up in the same class. Nothing special happened, just a lot of crappy jokes.

These days it seems as if the lines are randomly handed out to the characters, with not a whole lot of thought going into the personalities they used to have. Who's writing this stuff?

11/10/2002

I don't know where to begin. I actually laughed out loud at a Simpsons episode for the first time in ages. Okay, so they had a lot of stunt casting: Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Tom Petty, Lenny Kravitz, Brian Setzer, and the fabulous Elvis Costello. Sometimes stunt casting works.

In typical Simpsons form, it was a nice convoluted little open. Homer ran out of money because Marge, Lisa, & Bart had all taken some from his wallet, so he couldn't buy a drink at Moe's. He went off in search of other forms of intoxication, including inhaling thin air, licking toads, and giving blood. Then a regretful Moe gave him a beer and he couldn't drive, so they put him in a taxi. THEN, because "Monkey Trauma Center" wasn't on, the Simpsons ended up watching "Taxicab Conversations", which is how they saw Homer on TV ranting about how his family has gotten in the way of his rock & roll dreams. Because of that, the family sent him to The Rolling Stones' Rock N Roll Camp. Phew!

At the camp, there was Elvis Costello's Instrument Shack -- "anybody want a nice bass?", as well as Lenny Kravitz's Thread Shed, lyric-teaching from Tom Petty, Keith's demo of making it to the limo, and Mick's strutting lessons. It was lovely, until camp was over, and Homer was devastated again. The fellas invited him to come to their big benefit concert that night, only Homer thought he was going to perform with them, while they had just planned on him being the roadie. Somehow the whole thing ended up with all the stars climbing up on this big devil head that Mick was driving, chasing Homer around the stage. Fabulous!

Best line, by Brian Setzer: "I hope you won't judge the entire Brian Setzer Orchestra by MY actions."
Best moment: Mick Jagger screaming "Simp-SON!" out the window.
Missed opportunity: Elvis Costello really should have said "Yoink!" when he took Homer's guitar away & sped off on his motorcycle.

10/15/2002

The other two stories weren't quite as fabulous. One was about guns...Lisa had the town ban guns, not realizing the spirit of Billy The Kid was going to terrorize everybody. The other one was "The Island Of Dr. Hibbert" and he turned everyone into...manimals! Best part of that was Ned the cow, begging Homer; "MILK ME!"

10/15/2002

They haven't had a new Simpsons on in so long that I'm going to use this space to complain about Fox, the most disloyal network ever to hit my TV set.

Fox has actually given us some great shows. The Simpsons, Futurama, That 70s Show (back when it was good), Grounded For Life, The X-Files. . .they all deserved a shot and Fox gave it to them. I don't even watch any of the Big Three networks, I watch a lot of cable and a lot of Fox.

So why am I complaining? Because Fox has no loyalty! Futurama got pre-empted and shuffled around so much, and suffered from such a severe lack of promotion that it completely disappeared. It didn't have a chance to build up steady ratings because its fan base couldn't even find it! And now The Simpsons, crappy as it is these days, is suffering the same fate. Last week the football game ran late and they kept announcing that "for those on the east coast, The Simpsons will begin in a few minutes"....and then they cut into a show already in progress -- AFTER wasting precious minutes on the opening sequence and a slew of commercials. Grounded For Life? I just searched it on TV Guide's listings and can't find it at all.

FYI, the new season of The Simpsons premieres on November 10th...we'll see how the new season goes. I'm expecting something good though, because my man Elvis Costello is guest starring.

2/24/2002

Dennis Weaver was the guest star this week. I wish they'd stop worrying about guest stars and hire some new writers!

But there were a few fun moments. I liked Bart being terrorized by the dog, especially when it was waiting for him on the seesaw. I liked when they were at Dennis Weaver's house and he was getting them food with his rope. ("Everything tastes better when lassooed," said Bart.) And "you'll be branded a quitter" was very funny when the hospital aide walked up with the "quitter" brand in his hand.

Other than that....meh.

2/17/2002

The Simpsons makes me sad these days. But it wasn't as terrible as it has been.

Reese Witherspoon was the guest, she played Rainer Wolfcastle's daughter and new friend of Bart. She got a crush on him and she broke her heart. (She briefly turned to Milhouse.) They all ended up in Toronto, where her dad was shooting another McBain movie, and there were many lame Canada jokes that could have been a lot funnier. I'm FROM Toronto and I KNOW they could have made it funnier.

I did, however, love the Itchy & Scratchy DVD Commentary ("we shot this at 3 in the morning and the crew was really cranky"), and Homer's frustration with the Olympics preempting everything. He stole the torch!

2/10/2002

At least there weren't any dumb sex jokes this time around.

The return of Artie Ziff didn't do that much for me, but I did like Homer's loud snoring, as well as Selma & Patty's description of a faux "Sex & The City" as being about "four single women who act like gay men". Artie offered Marge an "indecent proposal" kind of a deal where she just had to spend the weekend with him, but Homer though she'd fallen in love and left to go work on an oil rig with Lenny. It was all right. A few funny bits here and there but nothing to write home about. Homer's still funny, though.

1/27/2002

Homer had his jaw wired shut so he couldn't speak. He ended up listening to everybody and became a better person, but Marge got bored with the new, quiet Homer and entered the demolition derby. She had to be rescued by Homer at the last minute and told him to go back to his old loud & boorish self.

I admit I did think it was funny that Homer's magazine of choice was called "Pie Times", but really it was just another lame episode. And what's with all the sex jokes? The problem with sex jokes is that they're supposed to be funny on the merits of the topic alone, and end up being stupid instead. FIRE THE WRITERS!

1/20/2002

Another sad episode. The only highlight for me was when everybody in Springfield was rolling around in a giant ball. THAT I liked. Otherwise it was just slow and sad. It's time to call it quits or get some new writers!

1/6/2002

Well. . .they hinted that they're reaching the end of the series here, and unfortunately, I'm starting to think it's a good idea. Tonight's show was not very funny, except for Millhouse's stigmata and a new law that made recycling a felony. It's a sad thing.

12/16/2001

Another really funny show! It doesn't have the pace and all the small things that made old episodes great, but this season so far has still been VERY funny. Homer accidentally burned down the church, and they couldn't afford to rebuild it, so Mr. Burns stepped in by turning it into an advertising mecca, including a changing sign on the pulpit that read "Watch Ally McBeal! It's great!". Lisa left the church in disgust and after a search, adopted Buddhism as her religion, with some help from devotees Richard Gere, Lenny, and Carl.

Favorite things:

1. The Last Supper painting with Jesus' head cut out so Bart could put his in, make faces, and have his picture taken.

2. Mmm....pie pants.

3. Marge's suggestion to raise money to get the church restored: "Let's just write to David Bowie again."

4. Homer & Marge trying to win Lisa back with Christmas presents, and making Milhouse & Ralph dress up like a pony.

5. The neon Jesus on the church holding the lasso.

6. Yet another rendition of the "who likes short shorts" song.

7. Maggie's starfish snowsuit.

12/9/2001

Marge fell in love with the Burly paper towel man, Homer got hypnotized and couldn't stop screaming, and Paul Newman spoke from a bottle of salad dressing. There were some funny parts. I loved that the Burly man's name was Chad Sexington, I liked Homer screaming while he tipped a valet and brushed his teeth, and I liked when 12 year-old Moe said that stars were "lazy lights who never did nothing for nobody". It got a bit slow near the end, and Moe suddenly became very un-Moe like. New writers, I guess.

12/2/2001

The Simpsons is back in fine form. How refreshing after last season.

Homer got a job writing fortunes for Chinese fortune cookies, which directl led to Mr. Burns falling in love with a female police officer (Julia Louis-Dreyfuss) on Flag Day. He successfully wooed her (by bringing Homer along on all of his dates), but lost her in the end to her old boyfriend Snake, freshly escaped from jail.

Favorite moments:
1. The Monopoly guy stealing Burns' first chick.
2. Mr. Burns, on opening a fortune cookie: "This seems to be some sort of communique".
3. Kidnapped Homer to Snake: "You know what would be surprising? A foot massage!"
4. "Mmmm.....pistol whip."
5. The angry woman in the window after Homer took her pie off the sill.

11/18/2001

I wish I could rememeber Homer's lyrics to "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)". R.E.M. was playing in his garage because he tricked them into thinking they were saving the rainforest because he started his own bar because Moe had turned HIS bar into a trendy nightspot where Homer, Lenny, Carl and Barney didn't feel comfortable anymore, and Homer started singing along and I didn't catch the whole thing but I definitely heard the word "Flanders" loud & clear. Excellent.

 11/11/2001

SEASON PREMIERE

Well...not a favorite and not a bomb. Homer and Bart got tethered together by an angry judge after Bart stole Chief Wiggum's police car. I'm pretty sure the judge was played by Jane Kaczmarek, the mom on Malcolm In The Middle. I did like it when Bart & Milhouse were speeding around in the police car and almost hit a truck carrying a giant cauldron marked HOT SOUP. And I liked the disinterested deaf old lady who worked at the doughnut shop. But that was about it. It was all right.

 11/6/2001

A new Halloween special! Instead of a review, I'm just going to list all the things that made me like it so much.

1. Slithers! (Smithers as a snake, in the Harry Potter story. He ended up swallowing Mr. Burns whole after he died, crying all the way.)
2. The vomiting toad!
3. The Demon Seed parody (House of Whacks). One of my all-time favorite bad movies got a nod from the Simpsons. There may have been a bit of Hal 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey but most of the time it was really just about Demon Seed. The house fell in love with Marge and tried to kill Homer. It also made bacon.
4. Pierce Brosnan as the voice of the house.
5. Lenny & Carl telling Homer that the only way to break a gypsy's curse is to get a leprechaun to help you, and then suggesting that Jesus would be better, since "Jesus is like six leprechauns!" (but harder to catch).

Those were just the highlights. Great way to start off the season.

 5/13/2001

Homer ran a daycare center this week.

Meh.

 5/6/2001

 4/29/2001