ARCHIVES

first air: 10/30/01

Ewwwww, it was the evil Enterprise crossover ep. Ok, I give Roswell credit for how they were forced to shove that evil show into their own and it actually worked for the story. This might actually get a little confusing for people who don't watch every week, so I'm gonna gloss over lots of details. Max was trying to chase down the other shape-shifter living on earth (the first one was Nasedo who was killed last season) cuz he's been murdering people all over the place for years. Well, there's also this whole thing with Sheriff Valenti's dad who lives in a nursing home and used to believe aliens were in Roswell. And blah, blah, blah, Max (with help) deducts that the identity of the shape-shifter will be revealed by finding the original film dailies of an old movie cuz the shape-shifter used to be the clapper-loader. So Max needs to get into the film vaults on the Paramount Studios lot. (Did you follow all that?) So Max gets onto the Paramount lot by telling this overzealous agent that he wants to audition for a part on the evil Enterprise show. So here comes the crap. He auditions in a room with Jonathan Frakes (Roswell director and Star Trek geek) and John Billingsley (some crap-ass Enterprise actor) and Max sucks. Then his agent is like "Oh well, if you don't get the part there's always Buffy"… WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!! Like Buffy is a step down from Enterprise??? That show BLOWS! (sorry Laurie). Who would ever want to be on Enterprise instead of Buffy?? (Well, ok, Laurie might, but that's it) Anyway. The evil murdering shape-shifter is none other than Joe Pantoliano… I mean, a movie producer played by Joe. Well, the episode was left t as a "to be continued" by basically, there's some new trouble in Roswell. And it looks like this guy is Max's connection to his spaceship and his way home to get his son.

PS - Isabel told her parents she and Jesse are engaged. They didn't even know they were dating. Ha. She looked liked she as gonna barf.

first air: 10/23/01

ALEX! It was so awesome to see Alex return to the show… even if just for this one episode, it was still nice. Turns out, Isabel has been "talking" to Alex, sort of like an imaginary friend… like a Drop Dead Fred. But I think she was really just feeling sooo guilty about Alex' death, cuz he was killed by evil alien Tess. And now, since Isabel has been going through all these feelings about whether or not to tell her boyfriend, Jesse, about her alien status, she turns to Alex's spirit for advice and forgiveness so she can move on and love again. And finally, at the end of the ep, Jesse proposed to Isabel (after she sorta accidentally forced him to) and she said no… and then YES! It was sooo sad though when they were hugging outside the restaurant and Alex waved goodbye to Isabel and then he disappeared. I even got a little teary. I always thought Alex should've been the one marrying Isabel.

Other highlights of the ep included a cute little thing with Maria and Michael. She wanted him to spend more time with her and then when they had this big date planned, Michael accidentally double-booked. So to compestate for already committing to go bowling with his security buddies, he took Maria for a tuna melt at the bowling alley and had his friends keep calling him over the PA system under a secret code when it was his turn to bowl. HA! I thoguht Maria would blow a gasket when she found out, but she didn't. She actually was happy for Michael because he finally made some friends. Hello, he's not a loser, he's always had friends. Now he's just got co-workers. Still, they are the cutest couple. Max and Liz are still apart, but Liz has been sneaking out of her room at night to see Max. And turns out her dad hates Max so much cuz he used to be just like him (a troublemaker) when he was Max's age. So hopefully, this "ban" will be lifted and they will be together again soon. Next week is the evil crossover with Enterprise… so come prepared.

first air: 10/16/01

 

So guess whose got a brand new job? Meet Michael Guerin… security guard working the graveyard shift at some pharmaceutical company. Woo-hoo. But it only lasts a day or so before he gets the entire shift fired because he stole a case of Diet Peach Snapple. Yeah, you read that right, Snapple. But it turns out the dude who runs security was stealing chemicals so Michael and crew busted him and got their crappy jobs back. And they all lived happily every after. Sheriff Valenti, well EX-sheriff Valenti, has decided to finally get off his butt and get a job. But of course, we couldn't expect him to have a normal job, could we? So meet Jim Valenti & the Kit Shickers… Roswell's newest country artists. Can we say mid-life crisis? Yep. And since Kyle witnessed Isabel and her scandalous boyfriend making out in the Ho-Ho aisle of the local convenience store, he is now her new confidant about her secret relationship. So he gets to hear the lovey-dovey details. Lucky him. Oh yeah, and then there's Liz and Max. Those 2 can't keep their hands off each other. But that's a problem, since they've been forbidden to see one another. Oopsy. And after Max took Liz on an awesome, romantic, midnight hangliding escapade, her dad caught Max at the Crashdown, and warned him if he see's Liz EVER again, he will send her off to an all-girls boarding school in Vermont. Um, that would suck. But it would also suck to see Max and Liz apart. My guess is that Max is gonna have to save somebody's life (like Liz or her dad's) for this "ban" to be lifted. I think.

first air: 10/09/01

Since I had to "watch" this episode without volume (see BUFFY 10/09 for further explanation) I know this review might lack some love, but don't get me wrong, this episode kicked butt! So when did Max and Liz start holding up convenient stores? At first I thought I might have been watching Natural Born Killers. Well whatdya know… only is Roswell could there be a secret government storage facility harboring the aliens' old spaceship buried underneath a quickie mart? Hmmm. Well, enough about that… the highlight of the show had to be Max SKINNYDIPPING! Yes, I just said Max and skinnydipping. He just started stripping (only down to his boxers… it's UPN guys) and then jumped in the water. YUMMY! But then he had a vision of his alien son being born and the whole sexy thing went to hell. Oh well. Isabel pulled a Felicity and hacked off her hair, but hers actually looks good. And now she's dating 25-year old D.A. Jesse. (More on him next week I bet). Ok, back to the whole Max and Liz gone bad thing. They were just trying to find Max's ship. Even thought they both were caught and thrown in jail, they were later released, and charges dropped. But not before the FBI got involved, which means there are more Roswell-ian mysteries to be investigated this season. Woo hoo. But there were a few great lines tonight. First Liz to Max on what their grandkids would look like… "3 feet tall and green". And then Maria as she went to visit Liz in jail "Why can't aliens get in trouble somewhere exciting like Tahoe or Graceland,, not Utah, land of Mormon's and mountains". (We've missed you girlfriend.) Also, very cool that in the opening credits, the aliens' names appeared in weird symbols before the names became legible… very cool touch.

first air: 5/21/01

SEASON FINALE!!!

THIS WAS THE BEST SEASON FINALE (AND HOUR OF TELEVISION) I HAVE EVER SEEN - and I watch a LOT of tv!!! With an episode is titled "The Departure", you KNOW it's going to be sad… but GEEZ, I NEVER expected it to be THIS sad!! I started crying at 9:06 and didn't stop until the surprise twist at the end.

But let's start at the beginning, for now. The royal four (Max, Michael, Isabelle, and Tess) were inserting the key into the granolith so they could get home. (All you hardcore Roswellians know what I'm talking about…) The key, looked kinda like a cheap keychain you'd get from Clarie's Accessories. But once it was inserted, the 4 would only have that one chance to return home. So Max told everybody to go say their goodbyes… (begin tears here). Max went to Liz and told her about Tess and the baby, and then they decided to go off and kill Leanne (the girl who they THOUGHT was an alien who killed Alex)… only to figure out that she was just being set up. So Max and Liz end with them kissing goodbye in Max's jeep and these final words… Liz "Do you love [Tess]"?" Max "Not like I love you" (insert many many more tears here) Ok, Michael and Maria. He cooked her a romantic Italian dinner, served on her favorite Scooby-Doo plates. Then Michael went into a long speech about how he's never let anybody see inside him like Max let Liz (when Liz and Max used to kiss, she could see his"memories" in flashes) and now he wanted to let Maria see him. (insert sobbing here) So they held hands, and we got to see what Michael remembers and thinks about, and it ended with Maria… then Michael broke down into tears and as Maria so delicately put it later…. They "took a large step in human/alien relations". (a.k.a. they got down and dirty) Max and Isabelle made a goodbye tape for their parents (on a sweet DV camera I never knew they had before, but could've been handy…) and Isabelle was weeping the whole way through. But the most tear-jerking moment came when the 4 said goodbye to Sheriff Valenti… (insert out-loud sobbing and hysteria here)

….but THANK GOODNESS!!! Just when I didn't' think I could stand it anymore to see the 4 leave, Liz and Maria (with Kyle's help), actually realized that TESS KILLED ALEX!!! Kyle, Alex, and Maria's mom all had this weird finger-tapping habit along with strange lapses that would cause them to have short visions. Basically, they realized that Tess had been mind-warping Alex for 2 months into decoding the secret alien book that told them how to use the granolith to get home, and Kyle saw her, so she mind-warped him too. And why would she do that you ask??? Cuz Tess, who I hope rots in alien hell, had made a deal with evil aliens on their home planet that she would return home with Max's baby and bring the other 3 aliens with her so they could be killed!!!

Since Liz, Maria and Kyle all made it to Max before they set off the granolith, Tess wound up the only one who returned home. Yeah!! Max and Liz can be together now! And next season… Max has to save his son… WOO-HOO!! (the tears were almost dry by now) Thank goodness there will BE a next season.

first air: 5/14/01

 

Honestly, after today's devastating news (SEE NEWS & UPDATES) I was a little let down to see that the second-to-last episode of one of my fave shows was all about Brody. Normally I wouldn't really care, but tonight I wanted more Max and Liz, and Michael and Maria. But anyway…After Brody was accidentally electrocuted, he realized that he has REALLY been abducted by aliens all the times he thought he might have. His alien alter ego's name is Larick. Well, he went a little cuckoo (like YOU wouldn't either if you just found out you have totally been taken over and possibly probed by aliens) and held Max, Tess, Maria, Sean (aka Brian Krakow), and Maria's mom hostage in the UFO center.

Brody/Larick ordered some burgers and fries for everyone, so Liz had Isabelle cook 'em up super-fast, using her magic alien cooking power (ok, so really she can change the molecular structure of things, but cooking power sounded cool) But when Liz delivered them, Brody could tell they weren't cooked quite the same as usual.Ya know, aliens just can't cook a burger quite like a grill and some grease. So he got mega-pissed at Liz and all of a sudden Brian Krakow pulls out a pocket knife and wham…. Two seconds late, Brian is stabbed by Brody. It wasn't even a big stab or anything… he could totally stand up and talk and move around. No big whoop. Well, eventually, Max worked his powers on Brody's head and "healed" him of having these memories of Larick and Tess wiped out the events of the night from Maria's mom's head, so when they finally got out, all was fine. I know, it doesn't sound so great this week, but it really was. I'm just very sad. And also… I really wanted to hear more about Alex's killer… but I guess that's never gonna happen.

first air: 5/7/01

 

OMG!!! Max and Tess did it! And now Tess is preggers!!! With an alien baby boy!! No, this isn't a story taken from an issue of the National Enquirer, it's just another gripping week on Roswell. As Max put it, they had "hot alien sex". Nice. The baby glows in Tess's stomach, which is kinda creepy and scary. And her alien pregnancy only lasts one month. Well, long story short with the baby thing… turns out that the baby is dying inside Tess cuz it can't live in the Earth environment, and the only way to have it survive is for them to go back to their way far away alien home planet. Very ET-phone-home. But the only was they can get home is to decode this aluminum-looking alien handbook they were given last season. But it's written in like Alien-ese so right now they just sit around and look at it a lot. Sidenote: All this "go home" talk makes me feel like Roswell is gonna be cancelled. Is it just me?

So even more gripping than the baby saga (I know it's hard to imagine that's even possible but it is), is the whole Alex suicide issue. Liz and Maria basically found out that Alex never went away to Sweden, he went to a college in Las Cruces. Not nearly as cool. So as Maria and Liz took a road trip to check out the campus and wandered around, what did they stumble upon in the academic quad???? A secret alien book?? An alien spaceship?? Tess's alien baby?? Nope… a Nelly Furtado concert. So they decided to go watch her sing "I'm Like A Bird". So totally random. .

Well, after checking out Nelly, they basically found out all kinds of secret info that Alex was working on, which culminated with them discovering the decoded version of the alien book!!! So, does this mean they're really gonna go home now?? Is it too late for me to tear up the English version? PS - my Isabelle highlight of the night… when she reffered to Buddha as "that bald fat man". I guess ya had to be there.

first air: 4/16/01

 

I love when they have Maria do these little intros to the episodes - she is so funny! I love her and Michael together and I was so glad he showed up at the prom. The little convo they had about Juanita being his dance instructor had me laughing so hard. I love when Michael was like "Juanita said I was unteachable, but if you want to risk bodily harm and dance with me…" I hope they never break up.

OMG, did anybody else wanna puke when you saw Max kissing Tess??? THEY CANNOT BE TOGETHER! As much as I like Sean (who will always be Brian Krakow to me) I really don't want Liz to start dating him. I mean, I guess they're a cute couple, sorta, but he's not Max, and will never be Max Just as long as they keep the show on the air, I guess I'll be happy for now.

OK, Isabelle and Alex…yeah!! He is such a sweetie and I hope they stay together. It really looks like everybody is sorta "coupled off" now, which is nice I guess. Overall the episode was ok, not the greatest though. I know the show has to do REALLY GOOD in the ratings to be renewd again for next year and with episodes like that one, I don't think that'll do it. But I have a lot of faith in the upcoming 5 episodes. I hope they'll be kinda reminiscient of the Hybrid Chronicles - those were AWESOME and totally on-the-edge-of-your-seat episodes. Cross your fingers. The previews which shows Max and Tess kissing and Sean and Liz kissing totally pissed me off. The fact that Max and Liz have always been apart-but-could-get-back-together-at-any-moment, is a huge selling point for me. Oh well. I also feel like the preview leads us to believe somebody major is going to die. I bet this is a huge fakeout. My guess for the dead body is Max and Isabelle's mom. She's expendable, but it would cause grief if she died. I'm so glad to have 5 new ep's in a row. How long is it till Monday comes again?

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